Mortal Love

Advertisements

List of Sins

It’s when I wake and try so hard
To see how I can know,
Why I should have a list of sins
That always seems to grow.

Morning’s pure and gold delight
I brave to face a day,
With shadows ever beckoning
Why won’t they go away?

Up comes the sun to warm my heart
I try with all my might,
My sins creep in, my misery,
Then soon there comes the night.

It’s when I think and try to see
How life it seems so sly,
To lay upon my fragile hopes
An unjust hidden lie.

That when I pray and try to say
Tomorrow’s truth will hold,
Yet by the time I turn around
Another sin’s grown bold.

What can there be for my lost soul
If I can never know?
Why I should have a list of sins
That forever seems to grow.

Master of Disguise

I’m holding a sword now
But I’m queasy inside
I move and I’m understanding
A love that would strike me
Do I look like a knight?
Look how my veins are bleeding

Now I see it all so clear
There’s nothing in your eyes
You taught me what to be
A master of disguise

I stand at the threshold
But I can’t take a step
The truth has me down and shaking
A peace that eludes me
Am I supposed to be brave?
My desires are so aggravating

With a simple choice of words
I’m cold adrift the skies
You taught me what to be
A master of disguise

I’m facing the destruction
Exhausted I gaze
My body is an act without me
No silver lining in the clouds
Where I am supposed to go?
Into the open I’m never free

Through the crowd I’m waking
No longer am I diseased
In control I roll the dice
You taught me what I need to be
Without a soul or heart I am

A master of disguise

In Pursuit

Running and running through the empty streets with the wind blowing in my face, the water molecules collide with my skin and gets in my eyes, and my clothes get soggy and heavy as I go.

No one is following me.

I am chasing something.

A shadow of a person who may or may not exist.

The shadow I chase is the vision of everything I had ever hoped for, everything I dreamed of doing, and the shadow gets further and further away, the more that I chase.

Don’t stop for me, shadow, don’t prove yourself weak in your will; keep from me all that I hope, all that I dream, for I wouldn’t want anyone to think you were frail and incompetent.

Un-Alone

After traumatic events led to a major disorder in my thinking, something bizarre occurred. One day I found myself face-to-face with a doorway into another world; and yet, it was a doorway into my mind. I saw beings there that looked like people, and they saw me in return. I say they looked like people because in some ways, they were more like creatures, mutated forms mocking the shape of a human.

Being seen like this was jarring; startling. Their eyes felt like my eyes, as though I were watching myself. I felt fear, a fear they could grasp. I tried to cope, but a haunting sensation tore through me, the kind that told me I wasn’t important to anyone. The feeling was crippling and I wanted to hide, but wherever I tried to move to, their eyes followed me.

I-phone Love

Endless seas spell the eternity of depth
By which my heart beat, when I saw you —
With your face in your I-phone.

I played the delicate game
To plea my love, to tell you how I felt —
While you were glued to your I-phone.

I finally got through, what a moment;
But soon I found you yelling —
“Not now, I’m on my I-phone!”

We held hands as the sunset glimmered
On the shores of sands beneath our feet —
As you were texting on your I-phone.

And when I finally got the courage,
To bring you a ring, you mumbled something —
With your I-phone keeping your gaze.

I couldn’t help myself, feeling sad,
When the doctors had to surgically remove your I-phone —
You said, “It’s not so bad, I have two hands.”

In the hospital I brought you flowers,
Hoping you were on the mend, only to find you asking —
“I thought you were bringing my I-phone?”

Time’s Up

What is that presence I feel?

I can barely make the image, my mind reeling from the exertion, from crushing the wine glass in my hand.

Crystal shards glimmer and sting, long and dripping blood streams trickling to the floor, and though I’m content with my bottled rage, I feel the presence, agitating the moment.

Who are you? Is there something I can help you with?

I had been recollecting my thoughts, gnashing my teeth, by the memories of an icy hatred, when I realized I wasn’t alone.

And as the blood dried I felt the truth working its deathlike fingers around my heart.

Had the years of my volatile shame taken form, by the sound of a midnight clock?

Could I no longer stay the shadow that bore — that amorphous emotionless shape — the weight of my infinite sins?