Archive for love

The Frayed Edges of Existence

Posted in love, personal, poetry, prose with tags , on July 12, 2013 by Shadow

Alone

Only one person can touch the heart, that person some call a soul mate. She’s the one you can tell, nothing else is as important, because the nights are hard to get through alone, or like, sometimes, it’s hard to make sense of my thoughts when she crosses my mind.

When fate enacted its charms, I was forced to go away, the complications so difficult to explain that an entire dissertation couldn’t cover the extent of what happened. Paradoxically, the simplest thing underscoring the whole of the matter, was how much I loved her.

An obstacle established, a circumstance pushing matters in a torrential way, a chain of events and the passing of time, and suddenly, my soul mate was gone. I had to imagine life without her, the possibility of kissing a complete stranger, someone I would never come to love, like I loved her.

The wind blows upon my path as I travel, until my bones turn to dust and I have to wonder. Why couldn’t the fates have had pity on me? Do the angels, at least, marvel at the strength it takes, to walk alone, without her? Is it a choice, that I choose to follow my path into the ice, where I finally come face-to-face with my demise, never knowing the reason why I was singled out?

Is that what I am then, a monster, forced to find someone else, when no one else will do? Having the strings that extended between you and I torn, was painful. Unresolved, I keep myself barred from the cold wind that freezes my face, bound to the isolation of the glacial path. Because where it leads me is irrelevant, for if you are not there, then where or who am I, but a weary traveler.

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When You Dump Me

Posted in life, love, personal, poetry, writing with tags , on March 16, 2013 by Shadow

Albatross

When you dump me it will be done
And I will go away
You will never have to see me
Past, present or future, or any other day

When you dump me I will understand
To do so will be so easy
And you will be quite happy
And I will feel so queasy

When you dump me you can have your new lover
I promise not to ruin the fun
I promise not to seek you out
And shoot you with a gun

When you dump me you can move on
What a hold back I must have been
Annoying like a little puppy dog
In your way like some grotesque sin

When you dump me I might hurt
But I know that’s not your concern
You’ve gotten what you needed
It’s for me to feel the burn

When you dump me you can wash your hands
Free from the dreaded ordeal
Sweep up the mess and get on with your life
My vanishing will not seem so unreal

When you dump me you will cheer
That it’s all finally over and done
You’ll think of me as that nasty mistake
A nuisance that was finally overcome

When you dump me I will move on
In quite the opposite direction
No need to worry or fear
No sights of my sorry complexion

When you dump me you’ll feel so alive
I’ll hurry so you can get going
To live how you want without troubles
To be without my love or its showing

When you dump me I won’t forget
Now I get how the world’s not to give
How the disfigurement that comes with loving
Is no way for someone to live

Battlefield

Posted in poetry with tags on November 15, 2011 by Shadow

It is a war fought from many battles,
Price of protection, jewel of innocence.
Outside the galvanized barbs are poised,
Curled like a brood of snakes,
Where the wounded pass by, one by one
In their febrile and malign
States of mind.
Inside life subsists
By the stringy shadows,
A swrirling chamber of wire
And claws that graze the skin,
Abrasions of cruelty in words,
Sharp as a razor edged thought.
The stormclouds gather
Over the muddy fields
Where the war for protection
Wages, unseen by the casual shades
That wander freely in their
Pipedream delights.

Anguish

Posted in poetry with tags , on June 23, 2011 by Shadow

By the slain bodies, victims of my utter neglect, I look around thunderstruck and weep.

Over and over again, I slayed them with my pride, and lashed at them with the whips of my jealousy.

Like wounded, beaten slaves, they pleaded to give but love, and I glared with beet red eyes.

Love! …gah, the bitter stones of the cemetary await the remorseless throes of love.

And I, bound by ugly hate, coveted tender flesh until emotion became raw.

Fleeing, no heartstrings could tie my soul but the lecherous larvae within, my selfishness.

I tortured them with my greedy snares, snapping steel traps freezing unto the bone.

By their solemn weeping the gangrenous wounds filled my appetite until my loathing grew.

With the cold spaces of death, their coal black, lifeless eyes, I fell backwards,

Smote by the anguish of isolated millenniums to come.

When I Love You

Posted in poetry with tags on April 22, 2011 by Shadow

When I love, I love you. It’s as simple as that.
Why do you think it hurt so bad to see you leave?
My love is a castle of steel whose walls deflect
catapulted stones of hate as though they were pebbles.
I love like the universe; it never goes away,
always existing and unremovable.
The love I have absorbs pain and turns it into tears,
and wanders confused until the blindness is lifted.
You don’t love me, empty, you leave me be,
my love dissipates and disappears upon the sea.

Clown

Posted in poetry with tags , on March 27, 2011 by Shadow

We were together, I was in love
Adrift in a heavenly place

Flowers they grew, spring breezes they blew
A smile always pasted my face

God’s grace it showered, droplets of Eden
Thine eyes could only I see

A graze of your skin, your falling gold hair
A mystery enrapturing me

Deep in the night, our hearts they enjoin
A teardrop could fall from my eye

Your look in the moonlight, spotted by starlight
Vertigo, love fell from the sky

I looked to the days, of times we would share
Nothing could alter my mind

Devotedly bound, resplendence of passions
Our love was like no other kind

On came a day, the rain it had poured
I gazed on the watery path

I raced out to meet you, to help you along
And oddly I saw that you laughed

A stern hand had saved you, so there you now stood
Safe as baby that sleeps

Keen words that were said, my heart how it bled
The hand that you kept was for keeps

Days they grew dark, from visions I saw
I was the third of the three

And on came the spring, and with it a ring
He gave by the shade of a tree

I looked round myself, did anyone see?
A fool knows the rules of attention

I sauntered away, a taut empty place
Awaited my soul’s desolation

In time I sensed, white make-up so crude
With red stains that outlined a smile

Dripping revulsion, resisting compulsion
To laugh like a loon for a while

With orange satin trousers and bright fiery hair
And shoes ugly bulky and blue

Like holding balloons, with a grueling red nose
I see now, I was only a clown that loved you

Loved

Posted in poetry with tags on March 21, 2011 by Shadow

I went around looking, because I could tell.
I looked and even told people, as I stood amazed:
“You are loved?!”
They wondered; I wondered;
Two separate entities.
I nailed my notes to the floor
With a bold gigantic spike,
And I wondered what being loved was like.
There went another…another loved person!
I was mystified, and I cooked,
Staring into the bubbling grease.
My mirror brought out the monster,
That unloveable thing.
I tried to give love
And a scream chilled my bones.
Startled I ran away,
And the wind tore my hair around.
I went to bed, the icy blankets
Wrapped tightly about me;
I could not help but wonder,
If someone could ever love me.